Jokes

  • A Jamaican Police stops at a little farm, in Bog Walk, and talks with a old farmer.

    He tells the farmer,     ”Mi need fe inspect yuh property,  mi ‘ear say you ah illegally grow ganja pan yu property!."

    The old farmer says, "Okay, but     don’t go ovah dat side a de field."

    The officer verbally explodes, saying, "But wait a rahtid minit,…     me ‘ave de authority ah de Jamaican government wid mi!"

    Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says, "See dis badge, bwoy?

    Dis badge means mi can go anyway mi wish on anybaddy land… No questions asked. 

    Mi mek mi-self clear…. Yuh undahstand wha mi a say?!"

    The old farmer nods politely and goes about     digging his yam.

    Later, the     farmer hears loud screams and see the police running for his life, and close behind is the huge bull.

    With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer.

    The officer is clearly terrified......................

    The old farmer immediately     stop digging his yellow yam, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs,


    "Yuh badge, mon…. Show     ‘im yuh badge!"

  • For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... 

    If     Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: 


    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. 

    ABBOTT: Mac? 

    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. 

    ABBOTT: Your computer? 

    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. 

    ABBOTT : Mac? 

    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. 

    ABBOTT: What about Windows? 

    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? 

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? 

    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? 

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper. 

    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows? 

    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? 

    ABBOTT: Office. 

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? 

    ABBOTT: I just did. 

    COSTELLO: You just did what? 

    ABBOTT: Recommend something. 

    COSTELLO: You recommended something? 

    ABBOTT: Yes. 

    COSTELLO: For my office? 

    ABBOTT: Yes 

    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? 

    ABBOTT: Office. 

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!


    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Window's. 

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows.

    OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? 

    ABBOTT: Word. 

    COSTELLO: What word? 

    ABBOTT: Word in Office. 

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. 

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. 

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'. 

    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some 
    straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? 
    ABBOTT: Money. 

    COSTELLO: That's right What do you have? 

    ABBOTT: Money. 

    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? 

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. 

    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? 

    ABBOTT: Money. 

    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? 

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? 

    ABBOTT: One copy. 

    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. 

    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? 

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! 

    (A few days later) 

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? 

    ABBOTT: Click on 'START'